A Tale of Eight Legs

I have just returned from a fierce battle with an eight legged monster whom I suspect had been planning to take over my household for who knows how long. The beast was hiding on my kitchen ceiling, plotting and developing strategies of attack, so as to catch me off-guard. The silly pest had no idea who it was dealing with. Unfortunately for him, I spotted him with my eagle-eyes before he could strike, ruining every plan he had mastered. Thus, a full blown war broke out in my kitchen.

On one side, there I was, carefully analyzing my options and preparing to strike, and on the other side, there it was, though quite small in size, some would say, it was as ferocious and blood thirsty as it was… inert. Unafraid of the horrifying beast, my first attempt at destroying it with a shoe failed – and also left some dirt on my kitchen ceiling. The shoe missed and it remained still, as if to taunt me and show that it was not impressed by my efforts. I fell back to rethink my next move. While considering a whole range of other weapons to use against it, I finally decided upon my longest umbrella, so as to keep a safe distance from the wretched demon. A few missed shots later, and the creature fell from the ceiling onto the table, its feet clutched and its body broken. I carefully checked to see that it was not merely just a ploy to trick me, but alas, the fiend had died and left this world. After a long twenty minutes of the most intense and nerve-wrecking battle, I had won.

I let my umbrella – sword fall to the ground as I myself fell to my knees in slow-motion, thousands of people cheering for me, for my glorious victory, as I tore off my shirt and roared like the indestructible warrior that I am. The crowd went wild. “A feat only a god could have accomplished”, “they will speak of this day for ages to come”, they said. A truly glorious victory, indeed. To celebrate, I proceeded to take a candy-bar and returned to my room.

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