Alex feels like she’s at the end of her rope and doesn’t know where to go from here. She often wishes she could just uproot her entire life and go as far away as possible from everything she’s ever known. Her hometown’s filled with ghosts wherever she goes and no matter how hard she tries to ignore them, they still have her in their grasp.

She’s got friends, she’s got family, yet she always feels alone, even when she isn’t, whether she’s surrounded by loved ones, or in the arms of an occasional fling. The idea of an actual relationship is far removed from what she thinks herself capable of, even if the wish for one is ever-present. She doesn’t even understand why.

There are many things about herself that Alex doesn’t understand anymore. For one, she wishes she could just point to something that’s causing her to feel this way, to be this way, the one thing that’s been keeping her from feeling normal over the past 12 years. But there’s probably no one thing responsible for it. It feels like hundreds of small things have melded into each other over the years to give life to the monster in the back of her mind that’s been slowly and persistently chipping away at her ability to enjoy life and find meaning in it.

Alex’s despair has reached extremes, but what does that even mean anymore? It reaches new extremes every week. What even is there left to crush of an already crumbled soul? How much more can she fall when she’s already lying flat?

She’ll cry herself to sleep again tonight, unknowingly for the last time. Tomorrow, every tear she’ll have ever shed will have been worth it.

Teodora thinks she’s bad at writing descriptions for her drawings, so we thought I might be able to help with that.

She was nice enough to draw something I suggested this time, and for that she gets a strawberry. 🍓

For more wonderful drawings, follow her on Instagram @teoctobart.

For more stories, Teodora’s got her own tag here.

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